Brain keeps trying to reason

I left you, I can’t stop thinking about how I could have fixed it/you. But I can’t heal an unhealed lady, I gave you the best version of myself. It’s 230am and I’m still reasoning with myself on maybe it could have worked, the ifs, hows, whys,… why did you lie to me, why did you deal with your “hurt” by banging someone else then catching something and giving it to me, you could have left me alone!.. why did I still try to love you, why do I still think about you, if I didn’t know any better I’d say we were trama bonded, ugh 😩…..you bamboozled me,. Now I have to pick myself way back up….embarrassing, I’m embarrassed of my thoughts and how I feel about this whole shit…when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time!…